Red is the new Yellow
Pain Spectrum - red
BM/RD Index - 10
Fuzz meter - 5
These past three days were a bit of a test for me. I think I passed. We had things we needed to do. Fun things but hard nevertheless when I am feeling less than par. But the thing is that, at least for now, less than par is the new par. I have not been below the red scale for months. The epidurals were a horrible mistake, but the pain had been increasing since before then anyway - otherwise I never would have gone for the shots. The meds that they have me on now have and are helping but, as usual, I am severely limited as to how much I can take. This body of mine can't handle them. So I find myself backed into higher pain levels again.
Yet somehow I am adapting better to them. It is not as if I am in more pain but the signals are not getting through. Trust me. I'm feeling it. But I'm getting used to the higher levels in a way I wasn't able to before. Perhaps it is some aspect of my medications. Perhaps it is because the pain levels have been consistently higher. I have good and not so good days, as always, but it has not dipped down below a certain pain level for some time.
There is no doubt that these higher levels are impacting how I do things. The energizer bunny is gone, and she may never come back. The shakes and the overall weakness in my limbs are bothersome, but hopefully they will go as the epidurals continue to wear off. But even though I need to rest more now, I still feel as if I am accomplishing things.
So I'm adapting. I have to. And slowly, I'm forgetting what the old constant was. But not so much yet that I don't notice that my new everyday color is red, not yellow. Not a problem. I'll wear it well until I can bring yellow back in style.
BM/RD Index - 10
Fuzz meter - 5
These past three days were a bit of a test for me. I think I passed. We had things we needed to do. Fun things but hard nevertheless when I am feeling less than par. But the thing is that, at least for now, less than par is the new par. I have not been below the red scale for months. The epidurals were a horrible mistake, but the pain had been increasing since before then anyway - otherwise I never would have gone for the shots. The meds that they have me on now have and are helping but, as usual, I am severely limited as to how much I can take. This body of mine can't handle them. So I find myself backed into higher pain levels again.
Yet somehow I am adapting better to them. It is not as if I am in more pain but the signals are not getting through. Trust me. I'm feeling it. But I'm getting used to the higher levels in a way I wasn't able to before. Perhaps it is some aspect of my medications. Perhaps it is because the pain levels have been consistently higher. I have good and not so good days, as always, but it has not dipped down below a certain pain level for some time.
There is no doubt that these higher levels are impacting how I do things. The energizer bunny is gone, and she may never come back. The shakes and the overall weakness in my limbs are bothersome, but hopefully they will go as the epidurals continue to wear off. But even though I need to rest more now, I still feel as if I am accomplishing things.
So I'm adapting. I have to. And slowly, I'm forgetting what the old constant was. But not so much yet that I don't notice that my new everyday color is red, not yellow. Not a problem. I'll wear it well until I can bring yellow back in style.
posted by KS at 9:21 AM
1 Comments:
This is great info to know.
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